Norwegian Wood
by addledwalrus
Summary: "He had witnessed the act of procreation several times already and by god, he was going to show his brother how it worked firsthand." A young Iceland is curious as to what sex is, so Norway sets out to teach him in the best way he can. Meanwhile, Denmark greatly misinterprets his efforts.


**This is a spin-off of a oneshot from my other fanfic Around The World, where Norway told Iceland about how the world was created. I pretty much just wrote this for fun, so they may not necessarily be in character (especially towards the end). **

**I still hope you like this story, though.**

* * *

Iceland sat atop the edge of the goat pen, watching Norway busy milking a young nanny goat. The older nation squeezed and filled his bucket up with the white liquid, causing Iceland to feel slightly queasy.

"Why do you always do that?" The toddler asked, swinging his legs in an attempt to take his mind off the sight before him.

"Because we need milk." Norway answered without looking.

"I thought we had a cow..."

"It died."

Norway released the goat, letting it tramp back to join the rest and lowered his head in grief. Iceland himself felt sympathetic and jumped to the ground, tiptoeing over to his brother.

"It's alright..." He comforted, rubbing a hand on the other's back. Norway stood up, taking Iceland's hand and smiling.

"You're right. What's one cow? There's always others."

As they went inside, Norway turned to his brother.

"Let's make some cheese, shall we?"

* * *

It was times like this that Norway was grateful he had his own little country to take care of. While young children could be a real pain at times with their crying and impatience, there was no doubt that most were quite a pleasure to be around once calmed.

Right now, Iceland was quietly helping him in the kitchen and he couldn't be happier with the peace that permeated the house.

The minutes passed and all seemed to be going smoothly, until Iceland abruptly stopped what he was doing and stared him in the eyes.

"Brother dear, you still haven't told me what sex is." He said in that tone he always used when he was desperate for something.

Norway almost fell over in shock, producing a silent shriek as he did so. He grabbed the corner of the table and pulled himself up, looking at Iceland fearfully.

He stammered and clumsily gestured with his hands. "You see, Iceland...um...sex is when a man and a woman...well..."

"What?" Iceland asked, clearly confused.

"Well, the man and woman...uh...never mind, I'll tell you next week."

"I'm not helping you, if you don't tell me." Iceland said with a pout as he slid off his stool. He fired a dirty look at Norway before storming outside to do whatever he wanted.

"You come back here right now..." Norway lowered his voice threateningly. Iceland ignored him.

It was only until the young nation was long gone, that an idea entered Norway's head. He had witnessed the act of procreation several times already and by god, he was going to show his brother how it worked firsthand.

* * *

That night, Norway made his way outside to where the goats were sleeping. He felt his way around the furry bodies, stick in hand, until he had found one of the older billy goats. He held his breath, grabbed it gently by the tail and positioned his stick horizontally, only to poke a nanny goat from behind by accident. It awoke with a bleat and backed it's way into his shoulder, sending him sprawling over into the grass.

Elsewhere, Denmark was strolling along with a purpose. The other day, he had left his flute at Norway's place and was now eager to get it back. He needed something to entertain himself with at night, after all.

He passed by the small wooden house surrounded by fence and grinned. _"Here's the place..." _He thought as he climbed over and entered without asking.

"Hey Norway, it's me Denmark!" He yelled as he approached the front door.

Norway heard the loud voice of his friend and instinctively rose as if to answer the call, only for the billy goat to break itself from his grip. He cursed in frustration and stood up straight, scanning around for signs of his neighbour.

Denmark heard the bleating of the goats and turned around. He made out the shape of Norway in the distance, standing amongst the horned beasts.

"Oh, there you are, bro!" He laughed, waving his hand high in the air. "What are you doing with the goats?"

Norway stared back blankly. "I need to teach Iceland a lesson..." He muttered, crossing his arms in exasperation.

Denmark's expression quickly changed from amusement to confusion and he backed away from the door, hurriedly placing his arm down by his side.

"Well okay, I'll just leave you to your business..."

He dashed down the small path and leaped over the fence, not even exchanging one last glance with Norway, whom could only stand there awkwardly and wonder if it was something he'd said.

* * *

Denmark ran through the wet grass, the moist soaking through his shoes until he stopped to catch his breath. He let out a few puffs of steam and thought of what Norway had said earlier.

What did he mean by 'teach Iceland a lesson' and why was he trying to grab hold of a goat's butt while saying so?

He knew Norway had always being a strange guy, but this simply took the cake in oddness. Though maybe if he thought long and hard about it, he might be able to figure out Norway's logic.

The billy goat came to mind first. The animal had seemed quite disorientated, perhaps it was trying to escape Norway's clutches? And if that were the case, then why? It was then that Denmark came to the second part of the puzzle, Norway's out of the blue statement.

If memory served him correctly, Norway had looked somewhat frustrated when he had spoken to him. Therefore, Iceland must have done something serious to have driven him into such a state. Yet, Norway had been standing among his goats instead of being indoors where he could properly punish Iceland.

So, what was the explanation? There was only one conclusion he could come to at the moment: Iceland had pissed off Norway and the latter had become so angry that he turned the younger nation into a goat. The now goat-turned boy must have bolted outside in horror at his new form and Norway would have given chase, still not fully over his rage.

Now poor Iceland was stuck in goat form and at the mercy of an angry Norwegian. Who knew what could happen?

Denmark clenched his fists and realized that it was now up to him to save Iceland's life. He would rescue the little boy from Norway's clutches and give him a safer home to live in. Yes, that sounded like a great plan.

Still, chances were that he wouldn't be able to face Norway alone with the magic and all. He'd have to go and ask Sweden for help. The guy was known to be a fighting machine, so having him by his side would be a great advantage.

And so he set off in an easterly direction, towards Sweden's place hoping to gain the larger country's aid.

* * *

"Iceland, get up now!" Norway exclaimed, shaking his little brother awake the following morning.

"Why...?" Iceland sat up, rubbing his eyes. Before he could even blink however, Norway was dragging him out of bed and pulling him outside into the front yard.

"Look." Norway pointed to the goats. Iceland yawned and looked in that direction, to be immediately met by a sight a little too disturbing for his innocent mind.

"What are they doing?" Iceland whispered, shielding his eyes and burying his face in Norway's tunic.

"They're having sex."

Iceland looked pleadingly up at him, his eyes watering as if he were about to cry.

"I want to leave..." He whimpered, tugging on his clothes.

"Not just yet, Iceland. There's more..." Norway said smugly, brushing the little one's hand away and continuing to watch the strange spectacle.

Iceland burst into tears and let go of Norway, running away as fast as he could. He wanted nothing more than to get the obscene image of the two goats out of his head, for the sake of his own peace of mind .

He almost forgot to look where he was going and found himself crashing right into Denmark's chest. He stumbled backwards and looked up in a daze, seeing the taller boy grinning, Sweden behind him.

"Denmark, why are you here?"

"Iceland...I'm so glad you're alright!" Denmark suddenly exclaimed, picking him up and raising him in the air. "I thought Norway turned you into a goat for sure!"

"No, he didn't."

"Oh..."

Sweden sighed in annoyance at the exchange. He should have known better than to believe Denmark's silly story, for it seemed that he had traveled all this distance and put up with the ceaseless talking for nothing.

Without a word, he left Denmark and Iceland alone and trudged back home with a frown on his face.

"Iceland, I'm sorry!" Norway called out as he ran across the field swiftly and arrived by Denmark's side.

"Sorry for what? I'm confused." Denmark remarked, turning to his friend.

"He really wanted to know what sex what was, so I thought it would be a good idea to show him."

Denmark gaped and dropped Iceland to the ground. "So, the goats were..."

"Yes, I used the goats as a demonstration."

"Aw, it all makes sense now! But thank god you didn't try to use yourse-"

Norway whacked Denmark across the face before he could finish his sentence and grabbed Iceland by the hand, pulling him away. Denmark straightened himself up from the shock and rubbed his aching forehead, before wondering where Sweden had vanished off to.


End file.
